Slow going.

Whaaa?! What just happened. I learned a lesson that's what happened. Brady says, "This is big girl bike racing. You can't let your friends just do shit for you." Harsh words from the bossman.

Iron Hill Crit was right up my alley. I stayed in the race at Wilmington and BikeJam. Surely, I could do this one. I haven't even been dropped from the Drives Ride in months. Fast Crit would be in the bag. Unfortunately, not. I fucked up my rear wheel from falling out of the trainer right before the race. Oh noes!! I don't really want to use Brady's powertap wheel so he tries to get me a SRAM wheel, and instead, the SRAM guys true it really quickly.

Race starts. Cash PRIME CASH PRIME PRIME PRIME CASH. First lap. Makes a break in the peloton with the heavyhitters among them Laura, Cheatley, Cliff-Ryan. Just sit. All you have to do is just sit. There are 7 people up the road so that leaves 23 $$$ places left. Just follow the wheels. You do this every week at a much faster pace. Just follow. Only 11 minutes have gone by? No way. Whhy is this so difficult? 35 minutes go by. I'm yoyo-ing. Nooooo... Just move up. Don't caught behind the gaps. Just try and move up. And I drop out. As soon as I drop out, I notice my front tire is flat. Great. Too late now. I pull myself out of the race and go find Brady. He takes my bike. As soon as he does that he goes,"Lenore, your brakes are rubbing." What???!? You're kidding. Mthrfkn%$#@!!!!! Wheel must've gone out of true again some time during the race.

Funny thing happened today. Sonja Evers did the perfect lead out, and when I got up to sprint, I noticed I wasn't accelerating. At all. I got like last place. My front brakes were rubbing this time. My front wheel isn't that out of true so I must've hit something and knocked it against brakes or something. If you don't know me, I'll tell you right now that I can't lie. I'll be the first to admit that I totally suck too.

Ok but at least this is an equipment issue and not a training issue. Equipment issues are a little easier to fix. It's not just about rubbing brakes though. Problem is, I've been running myself deep into a hole with this bike racing stuff. I'm reminded everyday by that broken carbon frame that is hanging in my room. I can't break even with my winnings. I can't save any money for school. I'm breaking/wearing stuff out almost every week now. I can't get a break on anything because I live in the city and I can't get out to the shop that sponsors my team. But my friends try to help me out the best that they can, and I'm really grateful. It's completely my fault that I can't ever seem to get my bike ready to race. With that all said, I'm not sure how long this can be sustained.

But, I love it. I thrive on it. I live it more than when I lived for soccer. And that's a bold statement because that 16-year-old kid that was me would've done anything to be a soccer pro. Not saying I'm really interested in making a career out of this because I love my job and I have school to contend with at the same time in the very near future. But even when I was at my lowest a few weeks ago, I was still out there. I wouldn't rather be doing anything else every weekend. I would be sad to see it leave my life.