2007 Resolutions

Exactly 2 weeks to this date I was ecstatic as I hopped onto my new bicycle that I found at the Katrina Bazaar. I had just finished my last exam, in linear algebra mind you, and I was heading into Center City to my Friday night yoga class. I'm back in Philadelphia now. This time, with more clarity, selflessness, reggae/island music, and more reading material all to fill up my first empty studio apartment.

It's now 2007. I'm 21. As I reflect on the year that just passed, I know that it had an integral part in figuring out who I am and who I want to be, which is something I had only looked at askance. All the major events in the past year happened so quickly. I got rid of the stifling relationship. I explored possible career opportunities (MD/PhD Researcher, Medical Examiner, Pathologist, Paleontologist, etc.), I tried to make friends, I withdrew from a course, I lost my grandfather, I wrote a science column, and I began my yoga practice. Although many things didn't turn out as planned (ie. my new friendships were unsatisfactory), I'm beginning to see that sometimes I need to learn how to live out my life. I'm too careful. I don't give myself the credit I deserve.

As I was talking to Marcy, I told her the turth as it had appeared to me, "I haven't met anyone like him in a long time". All she had to reply to get me to realize my situation was, "Lenore, you haven't met anyone in a long time". It's funny how such a simple response can leave such a powerful impact. True, I haven't met many people since moving to the mainland. I spent Thanksgiving in my empty dorm, alone. But I never realized that my feelings toward wanting to have an uncomplicated life, was making me go through life not really knowing anybody at all. Is it my fault that I'm so damn unapproachable? No, if I learned anything from the drama growing up the way I did, it's how apathetic other people are about you and that you can't rely/ on or trust anybody. If you want something to happen, you have to do it, by yourself.

Maybe it sounds silly but this is where my yoga practice came in. My practice taught me to accept who I am. I am a human being, I am not malicious, I am humble, I am strong, I am a good person, and it's okay to be me. It took a lot of courage to attempt to throw all my insecurities out of the window. I had a lot invested in the fact that I didn't deserve anything. This is true because this mentality left me without expectations. If there are no expectations, there are no failures. Everything is simple, uncomplicated, and safe.

I'm tired of not living life to the fullest. I'm tired of being careful. Life can be filled with countless lost moments. I live and breath amid the miracle of life. For it to touch my heart, I have to be willing to celebrate, be content with, all the moments in my life. Only then will I begin to connect with all that has gone unnoticed in both my inner and outer life. This year, although ambitious, my resolution is to try to reclaim my life. After all, it's the only one I'll get in this body.